November 2025 Adoption awareness month

Dear Reader,

To be technical a thing controlled by a small part of our brain, the medulla oblongata, is not often thought about or delved into deeply without a reason, a given purpose. The nerves system regulates it as an automatic action that all creatures could not live without. However, have you ever stopped to think what else it can mean or represent, a single breath.

Previously I wrote, “the space between the words Adoption and Day holds more than I could ever explain because it is more than two words. It is as complex as the universe and as simple as breathing.” This sentiment and phrasing have stayed with me and demand further exploration - here goes.

Adoption is as easy as breathing because it is an 8-letter word with an accompanying definition, per Merrian Webster, “the act of adopting someone or something, such as legally taking a child, accepting a new technology, or beginning to use a new practice.” Adoption is as easy as breathing because it is the fundamental fact of a life thrust upon us (adoptees). We cannot intervene in the past to stop or alter circumstances that lead to our present lives. While challenging, we can only move forward in building our own communities. How we choose to do this varies by the adoptee and their individual values. However, when talking to an adoptee and expressing that adoption is easy, they will likely see it as incredibly ironic and dismissive of their experience. Much like the contradicting, philosophical beginning of this paragraph, adoption is not easy to comprehend.

Adoption is complex for a multitude of reasons that I could never comprehensively list if I tried. One that stands out in this adoptee's mind is the idea of never being enough to be whole. I stand with one foot in Asia and one in America. But I am too American to truly be Asian, I am too Asian to be fully American. Adoptees often struggle to find a sense of belonging because we already have so much unknown in our stories. However, relying on people is also difficult because of the sense of losing control. If we are not enough and they leave us, it will affirm our (misplaced) beliefs that we are irrelevant and unlovable. I find myself asking, if we cannot accept ourselves, how can others?

Similarly, I personally fight the fear of being a fraud who has not one Asian leg to stand on. I fear the look of disappointment on Asian aunties faces when I fail to speak fluent Mandarin. If I go against cultural Chinese norms that are steeped in thousands of years of history, I feel like I am turning my nose up at what I should have grown up to be. But I also wonder if I can give myself grace, as I would a friend who confided the same sentiments. This writer is finding herself and trying to lovingly cradle a younger self all at once.

Please always remember that adoptees are more than just ‘an adoptee’. We are writers, actors, scientists, teachers, doctors, layers, world travelers and much, much more. We are people, too.

Sincerely,

An adopted person

Anhui 安徽

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I am speaking from my own life experiences and opinions as a transracial adoptee. Please recognize everyone is entitled to their own views and may have different experiences.

#adoption #transracialadoption #chinaadoption