Triad
I have been inhaling various medias as I learn more about my biological heritage and adoption journey.
November is adoption awareness month.
Strictly speaking the meaning of adoption has not changed, however, my understanding of its meaning has grown over time. The image is the adoption triad symbol, representing the adoptee, biological family and adoptive family.
As a young child I believed in the basic two family narrative. One where my biological family could not keep or raise me so I was adopted by my family. I grew up knowing I was adopted reading adoption children’s stories and being told I was special instead of being different.
When I was in school I did not often discuss being adopted. I was more worried about fitting in and not identifying as being different from my family. If I was in public people would assume I was not with my family even if I called them mom or dad. I quickly got sick of explaining to all my teachers why I did not match the family that showed up to my parent teacher conferences.
I always had to be told to check the ‘Asian’ box on forms but I wanted so desperately to be white.
I would not change growing up around the world, however, it did make identifying who I was complicated in the way of defining a ‘home’ culture.
Today, I am on a journey to know more of myself including adoption and its impact and meaning in my life.
Adoption always seems to have a forced positive perspective based narrative.
Often people outside the adoptive community say that adoptees are lucky because their lives are better than they ever could have been if left with biological families. To which the community has to point out that ‘better’ is subjective and we could never truly know what our lives would have been. Our lives are not better only different.
I have learned that adoption as a whole is not always an appropriate choice or ethically assessed, recorded, policy regulated or widely educated.
I am breaking through my past beliefs in realizing that adoption is not only gaining a family but also implies loss.
For transracial adoptees this loss is not only that of a biological family but also of an entire culture, language, health records, biological mirroring and an entire other life.
This month I hope to share more of my own journey in adoption and life story.
I am speaking from my own life experiences and opinions as a transracial adoptee. Please recognise everyone is entitled to their own views and may have different experiences.
