Burden of Narration Chat
March 15 2025
I have been inhaling various medias as I learn more about my biological heritage and adoption journey.
Adoptees, myself included, often feel we bear the burden of narration. This means that when asked certain questions, given particular looks or in specific environments we feel the need to answer with our life story in order to explain our existence or to validate our belonging. Which is a state of belief I would wish on no one.
This is not to say that we want to share our whole story every time we are asked, only that we often feel cornered into doing so.
We carry this belief for many reasons, for example, our own sense of belonging within our identities. We want to be accepted as ourselves but don’t feel free to do so without explanation. In some cases we believe sharing provides a form of safety to ourselves regardless of how much we are expected to divulge.
I’ll ask you, how would you feel if everytime you meet a stranger they ask the same invasive question as everyone else? Then they tell you your answer is somehow incorrect. Would you be able to walk away or would you need to explain your ‘wrong’ answer?
This is the narration that adoptees detest and yet are expected to cater to on a whim, with a smile on their face.
While there are many things not to say to adoptees here are a few common standouts.
Personally, I have had the following questions asked a multitude of times throughout my life.
Where are you ‘from - from’?
What kind of Asian are you?
Why don’t you look like your parents?
Do you know your ‘real’ parents?
Can you speak chinese?
Were you a test tube baby?
Were you abandoned because you were unloved or not wanted?
Speaking from experience, bearing the burden of narration is a heightened state of awareness and is exhausting to maintain. However, I often don’t feel I have a choice.
Please dont tell adoptees we are wrong because in the stories of our lives we are the experts, not you.
I am speaking from my own life experiences and opinions as a transracial adoptee. Please recognise everyone is entitled to their own views and may have different experiences.
