Emotions in the eye of Covid

I have been thinking for a long time about if I should share this. I have also grappled with how to phrase what I am feeling. I decided that as a writer this might be best. Truthfully, there are no words for the way I am feeling. However, right now there are many people who are voiceless. I need to speak from the heart for them.

I am overwhelmed and incredibly disheartened. As a child I knew that some people were bad but I believed in justice and that good would always triumph. I believed this was the way the world worked. I saw humanity as a wonderful thing. When I lost this innocence I can not say exactly. I miss it.

I am disappointed that the world I grew up in has changed so drastically in ways that were unimaginable. When did this become reality? I feel helpless in the face of the brutality that seems to be the only thing being talked about. When did violence and deceit become the only option? When will people of color not be seen as less? When will Muslim faith be respected by more than its community members? When will the LGBTQ community feel safe to walk this world as themselves?

I do not have any answers but many more questions. My mind is boggled by the fact that everyone wants the exact same things. We want to be heard. We want to be valued. We want to be equal. We want to worship without prosecution. We want peace. We want our children safe, happy and healthy. We want a loving and safe world.

Why can we not agree to these facts without first having death, rampaging, protests, looting and riots in the streets?

I am confused. In a pandemic time humanity is already losing livelihoods and being forced to adapt to new circumstances. Some people even succumb to this monster we all call Covid. Why then are we adding to this turmoil? We are giving the circumstances power over us. I am trying to stand by my values. Yes - I believe we have issues to be discussed but now is not the ideal time to be drawing battle lines. Why are we risking more lives than have already been taken? I'm grieving the loss of community and my faith in humanity seems to be harder to hold onto as I watch more people suffer needlessly.

I am cautiously optimistic that in the future my own children will not have to ever ask such questions. I am wanting so desperately to see a world where I can be confident. Where nothing terrible will happen on the daily to make me question how humanity has fallen. My heart and prayers go out to everyone struggling with today's headlines and circumstances. Please take care of yourself. Please stay safe. Please know that you are loved.