Chà Jí
First, some background on this poem. I wrote it for the CAC 2026 Chinese adoptee conference open mic night.
The title is based on the idea of imperfections being precious and unike. Japanese call this philosophy Wabi-sabi and is translated to chà jí in Manderine.
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chà jí
They never told me I was broken but I was never enough
We say seven years of bad luck when a mirror cracks
And what then if 30 years past and still the crack lasts
The roll of mirror is recast
Fast
What then is this teaching our youngest in - society
Better to be a puppet on a string and shadow - filial piety
Than to be othered and foe of any free - variety
Tell her then they say - a garden variety
she will figure it out in her own time - anxiety
They never told me I was broken but I was never enough
They never said it out loud
They never formed the words with their tongs to lash across my ears
They never had to beacuse faces eco thoughts into a silent void
They held fake smiles masking endless ridicule
They scrunched raised eyebrows tight with judgement in toe
They traded looks from across the room as if to say
They weren't crazy
They shake their heads and turned away
They never told me I was broken but I was never enough
Each one silently asking why
why cant she understand - its not that hard
Why can't she count to ten on her fingers
Her peers are counting by fives in clapping games by hand
Why can't she read the paragraph
Her peers are reading chapters in a plot and finishing the storie
Why can't she see dimensions past a page flat
Her piers are duplicating patterns in the colitasope of lines that make shapes 3D
They never told me I was broken but I was never enough
It was never why cant I teach this to her or what is wrong with the lesson
It was never does she need a break or how does she learn best
It was never don't single her out for special classes or remember to acknowledge her strengths
It was never consider her sense of self worth or lead in example by loving all of her flaws
They never told me I was broken but I was never enough
With scars and battle wounds I see myself reflected in the mirror
The same mirror with its cracks and dents that was once obsolete
I have learned her value
in each imperfection she carries a story
Like water over rocks forms the river with time
only days passing can teach me a love I now treasure
map elevation lines, cassomes, seas and mountains
turned
Miles of strength, rails ways of resilience, vast weaves of empathy
And A grit to keep coming back
Tomorrow
They never told me I was broken but I was never enough
My cracks no longer fit
Fit the mold that society holds up
And that is fine with me because
It is enough to be whole
I am whole.
